you were the other women for BOTH people in the relationship?
Zach says you can't see his penis until after we're married...not sure why?! Bt then he said he thinks maybe you already have on the wild animal night!
Nothing says "You're all grown up now" like setting up your 401k with shitty underwear.
You tried to pay the bartender in graduation checks, I think you'll be fine in the real world.
Just kicked a guy in his penis in order to win a dance contest on Bourbon....desperate.
Picture this: me driving down 183 throwing up into a towel. I just hit rock bottom.
I mean, we do coke and have sex occasionally...I wouldn't call that a relationship.
theres a note on the fridge that says "guess what i peed in" and a half-full bottle of apple juice front and center. why did you let him in the house?
if i got ashes i think they'd burn a hole into my head with the amount of sins i've committed this year alone and it's only february
No longer allowed at circus circus apparently fuvking in the elevator is frowned upon.
Grandma is giving me marriage advice again. On the plus side, she thinks I'm straight now.
I like to oil my gears with cheap vodka and strangers
On another note I never thought having a drug addicted stalker would prove useful
You took acid last night and I’m up early to go to the grand opening of a new TJMaxx by my house. We couldn’t be more perfect.
I just smoked weed out of a tomahawk, then chased an armadillo with said tomahawk, I love my life.
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