It doesn't matter if they shave you or not, you're still susceptible to the staph infection.
My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
you could play connect the dots with the people ive fucked in this room
i just made a girl do the walk of shame. as a bumblebee. i love halloween.
Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
The homeless guy out front said it's his birthday and he asked us to join him for happy hour after work. He's buying a fifth of gin to celebrate.
I fell asleep while we were Skyping and woke up to his balls bouncing in front of the camera while he sang "Wakey Wakey!" over and over again. Merryfuckingchristmas.
you were wearing a pair of wings and handing out McDonalds apple pies, if anyone refers to you as the "Rave Fairy" you now know why.
THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
i got her number while she was sitting next to her boyfriend. her actual number. i might be a superhero
I'll explain later but basically I was feeling dangerous, I'm dressed as Ann Romney and Ann Romney is a bad bitch.
Just think Febushuary. A whole month of 70's esque bush! This is the dream
He and his ex stood there talking about going to get Chinese food while I was half naked searching for my panties
Something I never want to forget. I'm in a porta potty and she is outside knocking on the door going "You're a queen. You're a queen. Never think any different"
All I know is I woke up with my apartment door wide open, naked, and I poured an entire bottle of Advil on my bed to sleep in.
Randomize
