Her boobs more than make up for all the flaws with her personality.
I am dripping wet and slathered in glitter and banana mush. I love gay guys.
We had sex in the bathroom. Then he told me I could watch him pee.
She looked at my cock with a kind of resigned disappointment.
Hahahahahahhajahahahahajajjajahjahahajahahajajahahahajjajajahahjajajajajahahahajjjajajaahhahhahahahahahahahaha dominos taxi
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
Do you have any puffy paint? I want to put "fiesta muthafuckas" on my sombrero but its too much to bedazzle.
Did she owns a vibrator that will set off seismic activity.
Yeah I'm just gonna shower and drink a gallon of coffee and drunkenly write my research paper. It'll be fine
First day back to class and I have already pulled out the hard liquor
Just keep your throat open and beer will always find its way in.
I just saw your brother in some random persons yard climbing a tree. Just saying.
Probably on drugs.
Also epiphany: I gotta quit fucking with dudes that have never seen Harry Potter. They all turn out to be shitheads who probably eat honeydew.
How many gummy vitamins can I eat before I die
i woke up this morning from the best one night stand. i made the guy mickey mouse pancakes for breakfast and when i walked back into the bedroom he said "marry me"
Randomize
