You up for the gym tonight after work?
I'm up for a light workout and a nice yog.
Fair enough, I'm gonna hit it hard today.
Chris Brown style, or less felonious?
Haha, all felonious.
I think the neighbors upstairs are trying for more kids. I want to run up there and yell "mazal tov!"
come over. we are watching hoarders and playing i spy.
just ran into a kid I used to hook up with while wearing his shirt. Only me. I tried to pretend like it wasn't his but it said his name on the back so I wasn't winning that.
I feel like I've wasted too many painkillers on hangovers
Oh we will ALWAYS be together. Or I'll have to delete my Facebook altogether. I've drunkenly boobie trapped photos of us into every album. There's no way I'd ever have the patience to go through that deletion process.
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
We had car sex in the parking lot of the dispensery while he blasted Tony Bennett. It was so fucking romantic.
Awee what are you going to name your new dog?
What dog?
I had a dream about a vibrator with 42 different settings. If that's not a good indication I need to get laid, I don't know what is
Take a good hard look at your life. And the number of 18-20 year olds that you have made out with in the last 6 months... and then keep doing whatever the fuck you want.
I'm really going to need you to stop yelling Campari.
How high?! We watched paid programming for 45 minutes before we realized it wasn't just a long commercial. So pretty high. The Bionic fish finder looks promising, though.
Lets get a boat first.
I must stop trying to make out with my friends when I'm hammered.
Why is this not the first time I’ve seen the mugshot of someone I’ve slept with
Randomize
