I hate when people uglier than me have girlfriends
You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
I answered the my mom's phone call about what we're doing for father's day while he was still fucking me. She thought I seemed really excited about his hiking boots present.
We came back and there was a shotglass filled with what looks like blood. Come over soon, we're gonna try it out.
is pulling out brownies in the middle of class on 4/20 just too obvious?
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
He wanted to bang in the work van while we were on shift together. He convinced me with "It's like the Scooby Doo van but looks nothing like the Scooby Doo van."
Its a first. Never been peed on in a line to concert. First time for everything.
She kept telling me it was a squirtgun.
Just me, my martini, and my backup Martini.
It's gotten to a point that when guys say "I'm gonna cum" I've developed a habit of responding "dooo itttt" in a deep voice. #isthatweird
Amnesty Wednesday? I'm free to do dirty things to you and you can't laugh or judge?
Just wanted to share my unfortunate vagina news in the hopes that it would make your vagina feel better about itself.
oh you can't commit, don't have any real ambitions, and love to drink PBR? well.... sign me up!
Literally.... Guy kissing himself in mirror in this hotel elevator
If I knew the person sucking my dick didn't say thank you for their Christmas presents I wouldn't be able to cum.
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