The worlds most fuckable chipmunk
I woke up this morning with my shirt on upside down.
You mean inside out.
No, upside down. I ripped the neck hole in the process of getting it around my waist.
he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
she told me she sucks everyone's dick but mine because mine is too big and "hard to suck" i need to reevaluate the girls i fall in love with.
I've never heard a "this is the reason why i dont suck your cock" explanation go in that direction
I replied to the university automated mass text about the armed robbery at the on-campus Starbucks with a sad face. Basically sums up my night.
I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
Well, there are worse ways to make $50 at a gay club.
She had a baby and now works at Hooters. She is the poster child for peaking in high school.
And at least you didn't have a dinner of Ranch Pringles and Double Stuff Oreos. I forgot that part of being single.
she vomitted in her champagne, said "fuck it, it's new years", and continued drinking.
You know Im horny if Im walking around in my lingerie and sex robe. It's my field of dreams mentality. If I wear it, he will come.
THERE IS A VIDEO OF DMX SINGING RUDOLPH THE RED NOSE REINDEER
I'm officially in the Christmas spirit
He is so sweet! He thanks me for sending him dirty pix. I should keep him.
Yeah,I'm just gonna keep fucking other guys til this idiot figures out he loves me.
Clothing is a burden necessitated by propriety.
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