I just mistook a monk for someone with the newest colored snuggie.
we were having sex and she freaked out when i said nipple
I woke up and we were making out. So the good news is that after two years off the market, I haven't lost a step. I'm picking up girls in my sleep now.
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
And I kind of want to stare at skinny jonah hill like a weird zoo exhibit lol.
how are things with the new girl?
good, we have nothing in common but she likes being choked
listen. he fixes things. buys me drinks and sticks his penis in my vagina. age means nothing at this low point in my life.
I had a dream about that dude. It was the first time I had a dream about him since the tryst.
The tryst?
The hookup. I like using sophisticated words for my foolish decisions. Makes me retain some dignity.
We tried to do sophisticated last night, but our low class kept shining through.
Jesus Christ. Even your cock has to be an overachiever. :-(
It isn't about the beer pong. It is about the destruction of the patriarchy.
Thanks to you I just drunkenly spot washed a Star Wars hoodie, at midnight on a Friday. If there is a greater level of nerdiness I do not know of its existence
last night I used snow as a chaser
..and by hang out i don't mean fucking then going back home i mean let's get something to eat & watch a movie and fuck sometime in between.
No problem...what are friends for if they can't rub eachothers genitals.
Randomize
