I was up until 12:30 making that damned grammar test for my freshmen then I caught myself running through the verb tenses when I was giving him head.
"I have sucked, I will suck, I will have suck, I am sucking..." I've never felt more like a nerdier slut than last night.
so far i wrote 500 words for a paper on sean paul performing we be burnin..i can officially do anything on adderral
I do what I can to inject something into your life every day. Today, humor. Saturday. Penis.
Pre warning. Your not gonna sleep tonight cuz I'm staying with your roommate. Thanks for breaking up with me.
please stop judging me for buying a handle of soco on a thursday at 10am. it was on sale, i'm thinking of my future.
I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
We're knee deep in HJ's right now.
I CAN'T DO THIS MUCH FABULOUS BEFORE LUNCHTIME
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
Eric was just sitting there open-mouthed swallowing sake from that squirt bottle for so long the lady across from us leaned over to her kid and told him not to end up like "the big alcoholic one"
who is that guy in your bed? he looks like jesus..way to keep it festive
He has no idea he's waking up in slut palace tomorrow morning
I may be a feminist, but I am not above using my body to distract you if it means I might beat you in a game of scrabble.
The thing about pooping in the woods during hunting season is you never know if someone's watching you.
When you wanted to give that guy at McDonalds your number you asked the cashier if you could borrow "a pen or just like a straw with his blood on it". He gave you a pen.
Randomize
