My dog ate my bag of weed. Thats not the easiest call to the vet to make.
Yeah he kicked my ass... He probably wouldnt have hit me as hard though if I wasnt lauging and yelling " I fucked your sister I fucked your sister" over and over again.
All signs point to mom being high. 1) making chicken at 2 am. 2) dancing to smooth jazz. 3) she asked where the peanut butter was
I'm going to start telling people I'm a sophomore so they stop asking me about college and what I want to do with my life
Sad news: I might have to institute a "once-per-day" policy on getting trashed downtown. Sorry, reputation.
My phone now knows what I type and it prompts me with frequently used words. And anytime I use "and" and hit the space key two of the words are "unicorn" and "sausage"
U have to come, I miss the sound of you throwing up.
I just windexed my mirror headboard, Lets get to work.
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
then looked at this little girl next to me and was like "don't drink when you get older and don't let your best friend be with assholes." she looked at me like i was crazy
I haven't even sucked a boob is 6 weeks I hate not college
I sucked his dick by a creek, how romantic.
I now know he's been cheating for a while. I also know HER name, address, phone number, Facebook account, religion and zodiac sign. I feel like I'm earning my restraining order. Point is, never fuck over a librarian.
My law teacher drew an elephant on the board in class. I was so high that I laughed for 5 minutes straight. Nobody else laughed and everyone stared. 130 people knew I was high.
This past week everybody of fb either got rings or semen. All I got was Covid.
Randomize
