He's telling me stories about how he made out with a 14 yr old when he was 22. I'm going home.
Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
foreplay: 7 minutes. sex: 3 minutes. cuddling: 10 minutes. getting dressed: 5 minutes. commute: 5 minutes.
Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
I just made a friends list on fb of all the guys ive hooked up with. genius.
i'm too stoned to be pregnant. the kicking is morse code for wanting beef jerky.
He said I did a backflip off the thing on the doorframe and busted my ass. I'd give anything to remember
All I know is that either you or I told a black guy that he looked like usher and he was sexy and that is our confession
I think my body is literally trying to get me to reproduce. "fuck someone! Anyone!" - my body
Dude, get out of Andrea's vagina and call me back
I'm in the line at Chipotle thinking: "What combo will best prepare my body for the open bar I'm going to subject it to tonight?"
It's my birthday weekend! I'm getting a Brazilian and he's going to fucking Arkansas. Where the fuck are his priorities?
The guy I made out with the other night fed me chipotle favored funions and I thought it was true love when I was drunk.
Act your age.
I am. I'm acting like a drunk 20 year old.
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
Randomize
