no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
It was great. Even bought me breakfast in the AM
From?
Well, he didn't exactly take me out, but left a $20 on the table...
New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
I just deleted all the drug dealers from my phone, I guess this is growing up
I know. He gave me a hug and i was like jesus i can just feel the std through your sweatshirt
I saw your relationship status and wanted to write "Now you can fuck with some peace of mind that she isn't giving that other guy she met online a handjob."
The worst part about being a grammar Nazi is all the porn I skip over because the titles are misspelled
I mean, as I was vomiting in front of a giant crucifix I became acutely aware of my poor choices
I feel like one thing if I have going for me is that my bed looks like a nice place to have sex
sidebar: i fucked your brother last night
Today's psa: there are certain parts of your body you shouldn't scratch while wearing fake nails.
you just tore your cootch a new one, didn't you?
I have never encountered a chode in the wild
I think the pizza delivery guy is getting a handjob next door.
I am NOT pregnant
My barren womb can FUCK WHOEVER I want
I wanna eat mushrooms and cuddle with a million dogs at once. I wanna know what heaven is like
Randomize
