Best look from Detroit today: running across the street with your buttcheeks on display carrying a 40 oz. Or maybe being crazy-pregnant and screaming and slamming a pay phone. Toss up.
I saw his package. It spoke to me.
Not only do prius' look terrible they are terrible to have sex in
I'm about to tackle a 10 year old off a sea doo
i mean, i stole her boyfriend and beat her snake score on facebook within 48 hours. not her week.
I just realized my mom and I make the same noises when we have sex. Fuck.
You know the party was great when the birthday girl gets arrested
Using that mug my little cousin painted for me as an ashtray for my weed...at least next time he asks me if I'm using it I can say yes
I was scared that I should know him but I was too busy blacking out to remember
He told me I look like a librarian today. I hope that means he has a librarian fetish or something
Disregard. He says he said I look "agrarian" today and just proceeded to compare me to Mumford and Sons. Fuck it, I'm going home and drinking
All I know is I was bleeding, she was bleeding, we stole someone's Lucky Charms, and then I made you guys order a pizza
11/10 would buy him a McLobster
Just don't let me do two things: Beer bongs filled with vodka or shot competitions
dude the dog literally grabbed the condom out of the trash can and threw it in the air i'm screaming
Did you just affectionately call me a scrotum?
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