Having dinner with my dad, watching the news and some AIDS prevention ad comes on. My dad then kindly informs me that he doesn't enjoy the feel of condoms.
I've eaten ice cream, mentos, an extreme gulp and swedish fish today. i feel like diabetes. the actual disease not a person with it.
He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
My vagina has officially become a vortex for sexually confused frat guys.
you were eating the carrots out of my guinea pig's cage and saying that you needed them more than they ever would.
The panties match.
I'll be right there.
I gotta bail on the cookout tonight. Im at the er getting stitches. Re-enacting porno went horribly wrong.
He has in a pan: ten pieces of bacon, two cloves of garlic, an egg (not scrambled or hard boiled, just an egg) and frozen corn.
They didn't have a "sorry I was late for your birthday party because I was getting arrested" card.
stalking the twitter feeds of girls who have fucked my current fuck buddy makes me glad we use condoms
Saying you need a hooker then asking me to have sex is NOT the way to get laid. Booty call 101.
im questioning your sanity while also accepting your reality
If I walk downstairs and Kelly is fucking in the laundry room again I'm gonna die
I need a guy who can see in me what the lesbian community sees in me
I'm in the upstairs bathroom. I went to the bathroom after class and realized this is not a shit I want to have publicly. I ran home. We can go to lunch, just give me a min
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