Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
You couldn't stand up so I took you home, took off your makeup, put you to bed then shaved off your eyebrows. I so nearly won the responsible adult prize.
He told me I was a pleasure to arrest. That's the 2nd time I've heard that.
I standby a snuggie being perfectly acceptable attire for drunkenly walking your dog at 5am. Our new neighbors did not seem to agree.
Hes drunk and dancing naked. I can hear his dick smacking his legs from the next room.
I thought my period ended but I felt it again as soon as Pitbull started playing
So I'm thinking that so long as I have this piercing, I'm going to get tested for explosives at the airport
A milkman. But instead of milk I'm delivering marijuana. And instead of a milk truck it's an armored car.
You're a weed delivery man, in an armored car?
You kept chewing on the empty milk carton and saying "kitty" over and over again. It was an interesting night.
He threw up on my head while I was blowing him, and then I started barfing, and the kitchen floor was a mess. Believe me, he will never, ever live this down.
He told me to be a woman and make him dinner. So I threw a bagel at him and went out to dinner.
I just need to get a little drunker before I realize I'm not straight
Beard. Chest hair. Job.
The holy trinity.
Accidentally made a bowl of macaroni and cheese with a bottle of vodka. It's not that bad
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