This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
A disheveled girl in front of me just looked down, shrieked, and yelled to the girl next to her "what is this" while pointing at two large white stains near the crotch of her black jeans. I love that Thursdays are weekends, it makes awesome Friday mornings
we usually just have an Easter beer hunt and never end up at church anyways
If you hear screaming in the middle of the night, bat got loose. Call poison control immediately and explain rabies
U should just post that picture of u two on facebook with the caption, does anyone know this girl? If so please tell her to take plan b, thanks
He passed out naked in my bathroom, then took a shower, then passed out again and then took another shower. Last time I let my brother visit.
Just pulled a muscle trying to take a naked pic. I think it's time to start working out again.
Captain Morgan didnt let me down when i stand up it feels like the world is trying to hand me rainbows.
Surveying the reception hall and I'm fearing the worst possible thing that could ever happen...this might be a dry wedding.
.,.,you might have to leave
I snapchatted his face mid sex. Needless to say, I don't think I'll ever see him again.
I think my body knows it's dying and is just shutting down
They took the TVs out of the gym and the mini-Mart only had 2% milk. 2015 wants me to be fat
So apparently having sex with your co-worker in the bathroom at the staff party can get you fired.
I can't believe I'm coordinating a threesome at work. My productivity is at an all time low.
These snow days are takeing a toll on my liver
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