did you mean anything you said last night? i just wnna know
no
She asked me to cum on her. ON her. I think we're out of the friend zone
and yes, the jail cell in Citi Field does have a big Mets symbol in it
She gave me a foot massage with her tongue. I think we're both scarred for life.
I have no idea. After the fireworks it all went to shit. Do you know why I woke up with a road sign?
As i looked at his penis, it stared back into my soul. No more drinking games.
When I say drunk I mean that in the process of filming a fratstar cooking show they threw a keg into the street where the police came to clean it up. now all they can say is "THE KEG GOT ARRESTED."
I just had a horrible epiphany. I have fucked girls younger than Star Tours
This text was so worth waking up to
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
Just got tinder matched with my COMM TA. Game on.
We had to go. She called the bartender a thundercunt.
He staggered in with his pants around his ankles and yelled that he lost his pants
Please don't fuck the professor. We both know that won't end well.
If you think that liquor is the way to shower sex then you're right.
She was blowing air into green onions and tying knots in them to make "balloons"
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