I just remembered Dan asking me all polite in the middle of sex "do you mind if I get behind you?" that was the most polite way I've been asked to do it doggy style
I've had a Margarita with salt, but I have to say I was impressed by the Stoli and Sprite rimmed with adderall
Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
I should just wear a shirt that says "Im Sorry" on the front because the second we land in Vegas, I'm going to be a fuckin trainwreck.
Also, we should really buy some bandaids. Right now I'm using toilet paper and scotch tape, but I don't really think that's sanitary.
He just found another high guy at wal-mart. There now friends. His friend is eating a cupcake
How was me telling you it's my mom's birthday a go-ahead to bang my sister???
nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
The dorm having an ice machine is their way of inviting us to make mixed drinks.
He's the conductor of the struggle bus
I RODE THAT FINE PIECE OF STRUGGLE BUS
Boobs are out for the taking
So how was the sex with me last night?
No worse than usual.
I currently look like a drunken mermaid, god I love beach parties.
thankfully we both ride of shamed home together on razor scooters in dresses because we stopped for breakfast sandwiches too
His penis is average but his stamina is amazing!!! I didn’t know I had that many orgasms in my body!!!!
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