yeah she is the one who tells people i beat girls.. which ironically make me want to punch her in the face
You know you love balls. Don't act all "I-Don't-Love-Balls-ish"
Wearing a Sarah Lawrence sweatshirt is like wearing a shirt that says, "I'm getting a degree in substitute teaching."
i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
My roommate is on the phone with one of her friends trying to figure out how she threw up IN her pants. I'm not sure whether to burst out laughing or direct her towards Plan B.
It reminded me of the time my mother gave my Bailey's in my stocking when I was 14.
She was really fucking loud. My neighbors definetly knew my name...
The bruises are from paintball. The money is from me being awesome
currently pooping in a public restroom while drinking free beer. there has never been a finer line between awesome and depressing.
Happy heartbreak day....you got chocolates, I'm eating them/ throwing them out the window at passing couples
You may see me wearing your shirt to class. It's because I still have the spins and I'm anticipating throwing up on it. Asshole.
I had very briefly met him a few years ago. My friend was tired of hearing us both complain about being horny. She figured she would fuck two birds with one stone.
no it was
but you compared your dick to a female disney character
There is a pool of ranch salad dressing in my purse...I know thats always been something you've wanted to try..so don't even act like you didn't do this.
Remember those two guys in our frat that would no homo everything? I just got an invitation to their wedding.
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