I found out 2day that my dad was a stripper in New Oleans.
his dog just threw up on me too. its like im a throwup magnet to that family.
she passed on me to fuck the foreign guy. is there a manlier, slightly less gay way of saying "always the bridesmaid, never the bride"?
nope.
when was she peeing in the stairwell? why dont i remember this?
....because generally we only remember 40% of the night each, and have to fill eachother in. And that still leaves 20% that we will never know and its probably for the best
The cab driver was nice enough to let you finish your beer in the car, but you crossed the line when you started to pee in the empty bottle
I really care about you, but im still gonna have to make you pay for dinner from the pain and suffering in my knees and vagina.
I took so my adderall all I can do is lie on my floor and stare too hard at my hedgehog. He has 42 spines in the dark spot on his shoulder btw.
Of course I have to cross through a walk for hunger
You were peeing off the rooftop and told everyone sometimes you just gotta go
For whatever reason, whenever she's drunk off Crown, all she wants to do is jerk me off with her feet.
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
I just want a simple guy who likes cats, tattoos, and doing coke off my tits.
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
Wanna get business drunk and go play golf?
My sister gave me satin sheets. We can fuck on satin sheets.
Randomize
