Come to wood. Julia is putting pants on. We must stop her.
I just came so hard I farted. Twice. Thank God I'm alone.
Most awkward thing ever: Meeting your BattleShits opponent post war.
i just looked at the calendar to see when spring break is and literally stopped eating
I just remembered yelling "they're gonna let me be a lawyer! Me! Why would they do that?"
Just got the test results back. All clean, Now whose an idiot for going bareback in South America for 3 months straight.
I'll be a little late, "getting ready for the party" turned into "smoking a bowl and doing lines in my room for an hour and a half." But I'm on my way now. With coke. And weed.
Holding a cold bottle of mikes hard lemonade against my pulverized taint....this is my Sunday night
I'm not saying Tijuana was a bad idea, I'm saying that we make poor life choices. And Steve was robbed by the police.
How long can I keep it classy to hook up in my old office building? Two more years? Does it get weird after 30?
I should never be allowed to dance around children at weddings. I think I just insured that a 4 year old will be a future teen mom.
She fucked the dishwasher AND the manager.
Well, she isn't a classist. You've got to give her that.
Hey what you doing tonight?
Working at the hospital! So hurt yourself and come visit :)
See you in about a hour
His parents then knew me as the blackout who took care of him and stole his watch
No no. Thank you. Killed multiple birds with one penis.
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