i jus got home and totaly forgot i had nut all over the back of my shirt
..im mad u rememberd about that
best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
I'm just gonna be the bigger person here and say I want you inside me
Apparently the cops have a video of me singing bob seger "Night moves".
I mean two cocks this time. Trust me, I'm not gonna pull the same stunts as last time in this situation
Yah, I guess one silver lining is I'd never seen a full water cooler get thrown down a flight of stairs, gotta appreciate the little things
I just spent a pre-4th of july celebration riding in a raft being towed by a car through a town that I've never heard of handing out flyers for a river rafting company that I never knew existed. Good night.
WHY does every guy I sleep with want to fix my car?!
REALLY should have cleaned under my bed before I had my parents come help me pack...things my parents just found: several condoms and a bottle of lube. My mom when she found a condom: "ooo ribbed. Laura's a lucky girl"
I like how zombie Abe Lincoln and hooking up with a girl were on your same thought process.
We had sex in the morning in pregnant lady position. Like fuck me like the hott piece of ass that I am, not your wife of 7 years.
Congratulations, you have turned my vagina into a garden hose.
but, alas, I am not the lady in the streets. I'm simply the freak in the sheets.
I'm still drunk, my mom is throwing up, and there is a random Irish guy out getting our house breakfast right now. Wednesday's are my bitch.
If you wanna fuck the pudding, fuck the pudding. Just not the chocolate, Im gonna eat that.
Randomize
