I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed
I'm home with mono, wearing knee high socks, shorts, a stained old shirt, and a surgical mask. He comes over ANYWAY with soup, a gas mask, billions of DVDs, and eats me out. He's either stupid, whipped, or i'm just THAT good.
i feel this will be the best possible way to start a friendship. By breaking into his house.
at least the person I hooked up with donates to charity, the shirt I was wearing this morning was his relay for life shirt.
It was my little brother's 14th birthday today. Didn't know what to get him so I just showed him how to use incognito tabs on google chrome.
Is the booze for tonight or the apocalypse?
Both. Pregaming the zombie party and hurricane sustenance.
Checked my photo vault today... My self nudie folder is passing the 150 mark.
The weird thing is that you don't send them to anyone. You just keep them for yourself...
Ask him to get me chedder bratwurst instead of the molly
Unless if you guys already left. Then I want the molly
I told him that if he cleaned the bathroom, I'd blow him. You could eat off the toilet. Seriously, get over here. This is the cleanest you'll ever see it.
But he's super into Jesus and I'm the devil. So we weren't meant to be
I just want him to get into an accident where he's horribly disfigured but otherwise fine so he's not so freaking handsome
She passed out in my baby sister's room so we put her in one of my grandma's diapers, put a pacifier in her mouth, put her in my sister's crib and took pictures.
I was sitting down, taking a piss with a boner, her cat walked into the bathroom and walked up to my legs, I sneezed and pissed all over her cat through between the toilet seat and bowl, it ran off screeching. She thought I peed on her cat on purpose. Kicked me out
He made me ask permission to to cum and it made me cum.
It's so obvious he's evil. I mean, would a non-evil person have facial hair like that?
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