you know how you have to have just the right ratio of chips to sandwich? same goes for pubes.
At least you're going to bed with all the teeth you woke up with
he was like "finding out that arrested development was cancelled" bad
i woke up, turned over, and noticed an assortment of knives stuck in my wall. i should prob stop drinking
The polaroid of me taking a test-tube of Jegar out of the gay guys mouth pretty much explains my trip to Spain.
your bra might or might not be a decoration on me and my roomies xmas tree haha
Her idea of kinky involved a tazer
wtf?
I'm going back tonight
idk, it started getting weird when they were looking up videos of lesbian giraffes
I don't think the best pickup line was. Hey I have never made a girl orgasm before but I'm sure it will work on someone like you.
I'm trying to get fucked by 4 girls here, and you're worried about verb tenses?!
I rather not break my neck. It's hard to look sexy with a neck cast.
We played table tennis, but used tv remotes taped to our foreheads instead of paddles. Every time your opponent scored you took a shot. I'm the current champion as of last night.
I stopped for beer and woke up to a bird on my shoulder. I really need to stop drinking
I was gonna be Romantic and write your name in emoji eggplants but A's are hard
It was a tough decision either lay in bed or go to work and lay in the stockroom
Randomize
