Getting food. Want anything?
Vagina. Double meat no buns. I have the secret sauce
the 3rd commandment: and god said, if you buy a handle.. you must finish it.
no memory loss, but i'm unhappy with my memories
It was honestly like finding a clitoris in a haystack.
if that dog is afraid of alcohol then he's no dog of mine
Things you are not allowed to do while im gone: sell cats on ebay, put cats in freezer again, shave cats like lions, dye cats pink/blue, try to light cats on fire to"wake them up from their nap" agian
he told me he's been faithful to his girlfriend and is gonna try to stay that way. challenge accepted.
Passed out on her toilet. Dog licked my face to wake me. Awkward talk with her boyfriend, who hadn't been home last night. Not sure exactly what town I'm in, but I'm south. Will call for ride when I figure it out.
Feeling better?
I can stand long enough to do the dishes finally. Been trying that all day.
My stepdad and I just tag-team hit on a server at McDonald's. This is the man I should have grown up with.
for a while, i completely forgot that you wrote "fuck me" on my stomach before we went out. when he took my shirt off that night, he just looked down and said, "may i?". i think i'm in love
Do you ever look at someone's Snapchat story and think ‘you told me you would eat my ass’?
Woah don't start going all boyfriend on me now, you're here for one thing and one thing only and that's sex, hot shameless sex.
Also, apparently I'm only coherent when I'm drunk sexting. And then I'm grammatically perfect and impressively eloquent.
Because, after all, nothing quite says life in 2020 than doing laundry at 9:40 on a Friday morning to make sure you have masks and underwear.
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