What are we going to do tonight?
What we try to do every night. Take over the world
can you come get me and bring me shorts and a shirt
maybe shoes and water too
oh and maybe a noose to hang myself
After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
Have you been tested recently?
Well I got my shots when I was a baby so I think I'm immune
my mom just walked in on me in the shower doing the "ass hair shave" pose.
I need to beat up a magician now. BRB.
dude there's a blind guy on the trail using his service dog to hit on girls.
It's like that thing with the devil and the angel except one shoulder has orgasms and the other has stuffed crust pizza and depression.
He sent me a text from across the party that said "your sexy." I just couldn't.
He showed up at my apartment drunk with a telescope wanting me to look at the "blown up star" in -24 degree weather, claiming "it's in the name if science"
we're like the harlem globetrotters of underage drinking
I know I say this every year but 2015 will be the year I finally have sex with David's sister
i dont think sending her flowers will make her forgive you running over her foot.
Good for you, kid with a beer in hand as you walk to your 11 am class.
I thought this was a dry campus.
That means you have to bring your own beer from home.
I’m not dating him for his personality. I’m dating him so I can steal his dog.
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