Hard rock hotel, wtf why am i still out, im gonna fuk 5 chix 2nite .maybe
the maid of honor just got in a fight with the mother of the bride at a gas station across the street. best. wedding. ever.
You told them to let you give him stitches claiming you were a certified nurse because you've taken plant biology classes
I peed glitter this morning and had a beard drawn on my face with eyeliner. Last time I do shots with gay Dan.
Just showered now I smell like berries instead of shame
Secondly, that waffle is lost for good. I have no fucking idea where that bitch is
I was talking about you wanting my dick, but that works too
WHAT THE FUCK KIND OF NINTENDO FILLED GLORIOUS ENCHANTING FANTASY LAND ARE YOU IN?! DUDE DID YOU MOVE TO THE 90S?!?!?!
Just had my first american. He tasted like freedom.
Okay, yeah, judgmental guy at 7/11. I'm buying g wine at 10:20 in the morning. You wanna fight about it?
is it bad that I'm more worried about having to take out my piercings than the fact that I might be having a kid
Shit. My boss is having me meet and greet with the new doc upstairs. Do you think his doctor powers will detect that I'm still high?
You mom sent me some article linking anal sex, damaged prostates and sterility. Does she still think your gonna go straight and have kids one day?
Your vagina is awesome, like it needs to teach a class for other vaginas
A guy I don't even know just ate me out on a washing machine at a random persons afterparty. I came as it was going through spin cycle.Just kept thinking "who does laundry during a party?"
Randomize
