He bought me ice cream and then I gave him a bj
I think that's fair trade off
She told me that she had to rub her face against me because she was part cat.
Anyway, my grandfather thinks you're attractive
Oh I forgot to tell u. I hit someone with my car in the RiteAid parking lot. More like a nudge.
Got my bloodwork back and my liver is in tip top shape. Apparently blacking out 5 nights a week isn't cutting it, so we've got to step it up until I see that all of my hard work is actually paying off and doing some damage.
And on the subject of embracing my inner whore, I had two different dicks in my mouth yesterday. Friend, it's official. I'm completely outta control.
From scraping the remnants from a coke bag at a lingerie party to meeting with an 80 year old man to discuss civil rights all in under 12 hours bizarrely feels like the epitome of my life
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
I wanna get high and watch Shrek tonight...don't make me do it alone.
Our drunk hook up was interrupted by the delivery guy. When he came back to my room we ate the gyros and went back to sex like we didn't take a lunch break.
IN OTHER NEWS did you guys see Orlando Bloom's penis today? I did
dont you DARE use my tequila influenced words against me
Burnt food and a broken vibrator. Disappointment after disappointment. Is April a man?
I went looking for them and I pulled my pants down and peed on the lawn. I found my phone in the same spot in the morning.
I was a psycho gf all the time...I'm sorry
I was drunk 90% of the time...tit for tat
Randomize
