we're out of white wine, toilet paper and windex... too hard to explain via text
Got one of only two perfect scores in the class on the quiz I took drunk. This is not a good thing for me to have learned about myself.
Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
eat the baked goods on the counter at your own risk... i made them while i was angry and drunk so they most likely have pubes in them
Houston, we have a blender
We're stoned and watching little Einstein videos. Come. Over. Now.
Why is it so hot and why are these the only pants in my life.
Just got kicked out of two hot tubs. We were naked the second time. So awkward getting out in front of the security guard.
She's working this semester. Her dad saw he was listed as 'the atm' on her phone and cut off tuition for three months.
Guess who figured out you can fit an entire bottle of champagne in a big Subway cup. Open container laws my ass.
We're fucking and Lee Greenwood God Bless the USA comes on and he came. It was the most Roll Tide America moment of my life.
I've orgasmed four times in the past 24 hours. And my mom's dropping off cookies later
I feel fine lol. I tried climbing a tree but the branch broke and I got arrested.
Quit giving me a hard time, whens the last time you got head every night? Cougars are where its at they dont play games
I dont think you understand. A NOODLE FELL OUT OF MY VAGINA! I DEMAND TO KNOW WHAT YOU DID TO ME LAST NIGHT!
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