I feel like I'm in dance class right now
big game today.. looking forward to seeing that magic win, and then i will celebrate with a nude dip in lake Eola.. anyone else in??
I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
I just remembered before I gave him head I couldn't find a hair tie and he offered to hold my hair up. Maybe we were wrong.. Maybe he does have a heart.
Life is too short to have fake orgasms.
Holding a cold bottle of mikes hard lemonade against my pulverized taint....this is my Sunday night
Was my shirt on fire at any point last night? Because I'm fairly sure my shirt was on fire.
i vomited out of my nose in three different houses so far, i will be back for my boots tomorrow
I got drunk enough that when camel suggested jumping off the pier, I thought it was a fantastic plan. Also my blood hurts.
I respect your roll as DD and there're am required to respect your vehicle
Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me
after stripping the bed and soaking it with the "pet spot remover" I have, I decided in the best interest of my mattress and our drunk friends bladders, i should invest in rubber sheets.
Hey can you explain why there's a dissected coconut in my purse????
I'm seeing how far I can grow my leg hair out before Jason will say anything. I'm up to an inch
I ended up sleeping with him in a public bathroom because neither of us remembered where we lived. I have hit a new low.
Randomize
