is it really this hard to find a guy i can fuck and have a good time with who doesn't ask where things are going btwn us?
you sound like my dream girl
imagine a blue Jetta with an ILLINOIS license plate that read JISLORD..... upon pondering it for 10minutes I came to the conclusion that J stood for JESUS and IF the license plate had enough room it would read "Jesus Is Lord"
That's cause you yelled across the parking lot you wanted to eat her out
There is a mirror in the headboard of the bed that I'm sleeping in so I can immediately question life choices when I wake up.
For the record, saying you're friends with the owner doesn't work when the owner is the one throwing you out.
How was me telling you it's my mom's birthday a go-ahead to bang my sister???
you dont understand this isnt a sit at a sports bar eating wings and having a beer night. this is a show up to the bar with a fith of Jack and just let what happens happen kinda night. im expecting to smack a bouncer
Ok let me change into clothes i can run in
i vomited out of my nose in three different houses so far, i will be back for my boots tomorrow
I've been here for three hours and I am already feeling sorry for whatever offspring i will indefinitely produce in this place.
I pray for you bro.
Ummm, my mojito just spilled on 2 essays as I'm grading. Who says high schoolers have all the fun?
hope your day is as exciting as mine- one of our trauma patients just stole an ambulance out of our bay... WITH AN EMT STILL IN IT.
To be honest, waking up to 20 naked people in my house was not the weirdest thing to happen to me in the past 24 hours
Sometimes I wish I lived alone because there would be no one to judge me if I wanted to have whiskey and popcorn for breakfast.
How are you and your magical vagina doing today?
She tied me to her bed using her honor chords. Thank god for graduation!
Randomize
