we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
So for his birthday I'm planning on doing what stripper did when she put the matches on her nipples..lights them n makes him blow them out..SEE I AM dating material.
I realized as I was wesiging my engamemby ring that you'd never love me tha same. I have life plans and Sam showed them to me
What? You're not speaking real words.
I didn't join FB to see my only child straddle that boy in all her pictures.
You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
he put listerine on his cock to make the taste more "enjoyable"... i think hes a keeper.
pretty sure i saw you masturbating on chatroulette a minute ago. yes, i can recognize your cock
I THOUGHT I SAW YOU
I obviously couldn't but this on your fbook wall. I would get judge. I would willingly get tbagged by him. You can quote me on that.
You stumbled in the house, mumbled something about a cheese party, grabbed a block of cheese and the whiskey, and left.
Your dad just texted me? He said I needed to holler at him when I get up tomorrow. I honestly thought you had somehow gone to jail.
If you asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be today, I can pretty much guarantee I wouldn't have replied with "buying hemorrhoid cream on Bourbon St at 7am"
I might have beaten my fastest all time record going from "I really really like this girl" to "fuck that bitch"
You're the only person I know who's experienced a micropenis and a magnum XL penis
It's 8 in the morning and you're doing coke and drinking margaritas. First, you have a problem. Second, why didn't you invite me?
its so awesome dude, its like im a magical unicorn or something
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