he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
Yeah well I just ate cereal out of a muffin pan with a fork. I'll flip a coin as to who has to tackle that pile of dishes we've neglected for 3 weeks.
I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
sitting next to michael phelps in the airport. wonder if he's carrying...
Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.
Just had a drunken guest at my hotel threaten to "throw a fuckin fireball at my face"
I tried calming him down but his eyes are rolling to the back of his head and he's yelling "COMA WEED!"
Im rolling a blunt of encouragement for you to return to
i know i said i'd always be there for you, but i'm beginning to think that what you call "being there for me" the american judicial system calls reckless endangerment.
ive cried into many a lonely burritos..
I feel like it went downhill once I decided we should take $100 tequila shots.. oops lol
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
I have an important idea to tell you when I'm sober about a cat scratching my nose once and what it taught me. DONT LET ME FORGET.
We got really excited for country fried steak then we had sex.
How ya feelin sunshine?
Like a million dollars! ... That has been hit by a bus, drowned under water and beat repeatedly by a shovel.
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