Pappa wants mamma naked
Is it weird i consider You Sexy Thing our song?
guys are only as good as the porn they watch
Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
i am literally watching eva make a trashbag diaper for you to sleep in tonight. whole new level of low for you.
nothing says "we're all in this together" like the herpes she passed around to our entire group of friends
I told my dad that bagels were the equilelent of angels kisses and if he bought me one i would do a split
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
Sorry we couldn't "turn off the mirrors." How're you feeling today?
I must have some kind of deep rooted instinct that tells me when a boys virginity needs to be taken.
its so sad we are done celebrating 21st bdays everytime one of us turned 21 everyone else got laid
Yes I peed all over myself and lost both my credit cards, who wants to know?
feeding cats lunchmeat on my kitchen floor. come pour me another shot.
my life is like one bad, slutty lifetime movie.
Let's just say if my bucket list had "fngered in the middle of a club by a complete stranger while being sprayed by UV paint" then that is well and truly ticked off.
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