she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
that shirt you're wearing that says "officially single" makes me think you'll be that way for a really long fucking time.
Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
he likes to slap my ass alot untill he missed and hit his own balls poor bastard kept on going.
you woke me up at 7 am banging on my wall.. what the hell
thats the international knock for joint time
was it you or me who tried to make the, what appears to be, nacho cake in the oven?
I walked out of the store holding my face and a lady pulled her daughter away from me as I then threwup in the parking lot
He bought segways. We ride them when we get drunk. Last night he ran through the sliding glass door.
Should I have spent my entire pay check on Crown Royal and LSD? No. Do I regret it? Also, no.
Before you started puking your brains out, you took a moment to give me the correct order of the Harry potter series
Your phone just changed "liver" to "liquor" how dose that make you feel
I just made my dating life into my own game show. would you like to meet the contestants? (photos not included)
Crawl out into the sunshine and off your vibrator for 7 minutes
If I'm not there when the plane leaves, I didn't make it through security. See you at home! Vegas bitches!!!
I had a dream that I was smoking rasberries out of a bong. THEY WEREN'T EVEN DRIED...
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