Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
right before he came he said "im ganna fill your stocking" nothing like holiday spirit!!
all a guy has to do is give me sprinkles and cookies and they can get me in bed
It smells like ranch
Must be all the white people
Don't blame the cocaine for your eating disorder.
Say hello to your nephew Sir Isaac Meriwether van Catsworth
I'm going to have to start taking your phone after ten. That's when all the cat pictures come
i asked the cop if we could stop and do a chinese firedrill.... he said no.
So I was thinking for Halloween I'd do Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde....for my vagina.
id one day like to live in a world full of emotionless and wonderfully fullfilling sex...
I just remembered that i did pull ups in a bikini on the porch of Red Lobster last night. someone needs to stage an intervention
If you need anything just hit me up
Pancakes
Noted.
Some days you ride the struggle bus. Other days, it gets a flat, the AC breaks, and you run over a bunny.
If you don't come home and fuck me soon I'm walking over there naked and dragging you home by your penis
He’s 48, has a Prince Albert piercing and a white Range Rover
Just woke up beside some twink in a kilt.. how is your sunday going
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