quitting drinking is the number 5 new years resolution but number 4 is enjoying life more which one do you think im going to pick
I love online classes. Spent the last part of my lecture taking apart a teabag and filling it with weed.
I thought I hit my peak drinking in college. Just finished first day on Wall Street. College was nothing.
You couldn't hold yourhead up but you managed to unzip my zipper. That's skill..
You could have chosen coming to fuck me over getting too hammered to drive. But you made your bed, and now you get to jack off alone in it.
I feel like my uterus is decaying in my body
OH MY GOD DO YOU REMEMBER WISHBONE? DO YOU REMEMBER THAT LITTLE BITCH? WHAT'S THE STORY WISHBONE
They broke our car window and then wrote "great night" on the next
You should have hard cock pics on hand to send in the situation that you can't stop driving, pull out your cock, browse the countless pics I've sent you of my tits, get him hard and text a pic through. I mean, it's simple sexting ettiquette.
the worst part was waking up this morning to his skrillex ringtone.....when was it ever okay for friends to let other friends go home WITH GUYS LIKE THAT!?
I gave the guy a $20 tip on a $9 cab ride, he thought I was just bad at math but I was really just incredibly thankful to be alive and home.
I was like "don't worry, I'm a math major and you deserve the shit out of that 222% tip"
I wish I'd realized he looked like Skrillex before I was already in the middle of fucking him...
He went out to smoke and when he came back I was still in the same spot naked and unable to breathe.
All I could say was, "ladies and gentlemen, THIS is why I drive 30 mins"
He saw me naked after our first date and still asked for a second.. so I think we’re doing good
I love you, but seriously, that was way too long a thesis on an Arby’s curly fry being wrapped around schlong!
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