this may or may not be the weed talking, but this is by far the best tasting toothpaste i've ever had
i forgot to tell you that olivia sent me a text yesterday that the mormon girl got caught with weed in her vagina at school
I think he'd cut a tree down for me. He's from North Dakota. That's something hot guys do there, right?
i love that you felt the need to clarify that you don't actually have drugs in your vagina.
I'm shutting down my vagina temporarily...it's like the last two weeks were a going out of business sale...and now it needs a break...
where are you?
Hypothermia
"Don't get as drunk as I was on my birthday" has been upgraded from a goal for Friday night to a goal for my life in general.
Did i actually sleep there? Or did i just get sand everywhere?
your love of good penises attached to ugly faces is disgusting and slightly disturbing.
And I'm also limping. I just wish that I had self control. I'm 23 for fuck sake and I'm sitting at work, with mascara down my face, vomit on my clothes and an unknown black substance on my tits. How will I ever find my Greek husband if I keep this up?
I don't think you understand...I'm really good at getting drunk
my sex drive just dried up, fell out, and is rolling on the floor somewhere.
I like being woken up by phone calls of you sabotaging marriages
I woke up alone, naked in her bed staring at a lifesize poster of edward cullen,actually I'm lying I did have socks on
There's so many drinking games in the Olympics.
you missed out this chick was licking her paddle
Randomize
