So how was last night?
Let's just say I danced with the devil
Huh?
I'm going to Hell for sure
I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
so, i drunkenly called my religious roomie because i was lost and told her if she couldn't come find me, jesus would condemn her to hell for not leading me to the light .. too much?
Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."
Dont act like I'm the only one that gets on a plane and picks out the one im gonna have fuck if we have time before the crash
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
We didnt even know he was in the house until he came downstairs and asked why he was wet
Ever walked into a basement full of 10 guys jerking it to a live stripper? Cause I have. Always confirm the address of a house party. Always.
He's not messing around tonight. 4 fist pumps.
I feel like they've probably fucked. Like.. you don't just bring a bitch a Big Mac if you haven't fucked her.
Do u have any idea how hard it is to masturbate in a CVS bathroom when your name is being called over the speakers to pick up a prescription for painkillers?
I'm waiting for your stupid pizza and this 400 lb drunk man is behind me singing the acapella version of Elevation by U2
When dealing with embarassing medical issues, don't you want your brother's wife to be the one fishing around up your ass?
Wow. I want to climb Santa. You've made my mind go places I wasn't prepared to explore.
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