thank you for a lively/lovely evening :)
should have blown me.
I felt like Norm from Cheers walking into the free clinic.
i really wish someone from a royal background would fuck me so i could literally say i was 'royally fucked'.
The stoners next door have their couch on the sidewalk again, shirtless, soaking their feet in a baby pool and listening to loud ukulele music. I want their life.
He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
Just walked out of 7 11 still in uniform when 4 girls in bikinis in a convertable screamed "we fuck firefighters!"
Career choice validated
He ate me out on the kitchen floor while we waited for the cake to bake. How was your Valentines Day?
I found my hair extensions. They were in my hamper.
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
It was a simpler time. With fewer STDs.
She came out of the bathroom listening to her iPod and crying. Then she started scream 'she will be loved'. She seems to be handling the break up well lol
you could be the only one getting laid right now....yet your sitting in here making goat noises
Everytime I give him head I make him rub my back. Teamwork at it's finest.
Just puked in front of a high school tour group. Based on the standing ovation, we have a solid group of freshman coming in this fall.
Apparently I drunkenly told him I was going to ride him to the rodeo and break him like a bronco, then I stole his nachos and beer. Adulting is hard!!!
Randomize
