At the Phils game. My gay buddy just wanted up to a bunch of Mets fans and said "I'm gay, and even I think Mets fans are a bunch of fags." I love this fuckin town.
FYI, if you pee in my bed (or even let R___ and E___ sleep in it), I will fart loudly during your wedding vows. Trust.
I wish there were college classes that were useful to your daily life, like how to pack a proper bowl in pitch black darkness.
There's a difference between southern and inbred. She just doesn't know that yet.
he put on The Eye of the Tiger while she was in labor.
We left an ass print on the piano.
He gave me a hug and said "He doesn't deserve you, Anna. Your boobs are great, and I'd fuck you anytime. Any. Place." I need a new 'gay' friend.
This shit I'm taking feels like I've eaten every burrito in the world and chased that with an aquarium of hot sauce.
Know what's awesome? Flying a mini helicopter while you shit.
I'm giving great sideboob & it's being wasted on my parents.
Hey. There is naked girl with "plz don't touch her. She just turned 21" sharpied on her chest. What happened last night?
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
I should be a dude... Walking a goat on a rope is a total chick magnet.
I like dinosaurs. I like penises. It's kind of a win win
You licked my eyeball, you are officially cut off. If you just missed you can have a second chance on Friday.
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