if I'm ever single again, I swear to god I'm going to have 87 venerial diseases
We need to play Chardee MacDennis. Contact me when you have an available date. This is not a question.
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
I know how to make vodka btw in case you want to come over and do a science project
Just high enough for therapy.
I need to be drunk within 15 minutes of getting home tonight.
Your vagina doesn't want to be violated with garnishes. I get it.
he was high. i was rolling face. we were both wearing grateful dead t shirts. at that point it's like we had no choice but to fuck
Was your bare penis on or around my blanket?
Because I'm sitting in a bath of my own wisdom and drowning my sorrows in coconut rum
I think it's important to not involve Bar Food in any near future decisions.
Just had a reminder come up that just said "Ham"
I know right. I don't even want to have sex today. I did anyway but that's besides the point.
snapping my married booty call and next thing I know a plan b ad pops up
After returning from the hospital with lock-jaw from getting tackle at the game. Some naked chick busted out of his room and hit him with a devastating haymaker to the jaw because he wouldn't have sex
Randomize
