Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
He just said "Chunky" very loudly in his sleep.
I jsut got pulled over and passed the sobritaty test.
Good thing spelling doesn't count.
It was like watching Stephen Hawking try to swim.
Two penises later: I might be straighter than I think.
It Amazes me that I was able to drunk update my status in Spanish last night.
You could probably play six degrees of separation of my cock in this city.
He called it restless penis syndrome. I call it cheating.
She tried to beat him up using a half gallon of Bacardi, instead she got tangled in Kayla's hanging bra and broke a lamp. She can party with us anytime.
I'm wearing too many socks to be ok with this.
Hahaha she was way into you and you kept arguing about burritos. It was amazing.
You wouldn't eat with utensils. You insisted on making your own spoon out of a bendy straw and staples while singing "I'm a survivor" by Destiny's Child.
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
I woke up with my shoes on but pants in the fish tank
Just come here quick. I'm home in 3min. It will take you literally less than 5 to walk. Then 2 to undress, 16 to fuck, 2 to dress again and 5 to walk back..!!
exactly 16 eh??
Randomize
