Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
You can't special order awesome
I didn't think it was possible for the human body to be physically dependant on weed until I moved in with this kid
she's like bobby knight all she does is scream and point
you said you couldnt let go of the fence because your hand was molding to it.
When I sent you a text telling you to splash water on your face, you texted me back with 'Iwehre N qyull.'
We're gonna go drive around campus and throw water balloons at all the drunk bitches wobbling around, wanna come?
This is why i like single justin better. my only regret is not being present for more of his short life. may he rest in peace
She made me walk a straight line to prove i was sober enough to help carry you to the car
Knowing you it was perfect out of spite. Like. A line straighter than YOU
also, sleeping with your chipotle guy sounds like a good idea until you want chipotle on your day off and have to look somewhat presentable to acquire said chipotle.
I'm killing it this week, I've peed my pants and put my vibrator into the washing machine.
A respectable fucking: good but like I don't want to get kicked out of my hotel room
Someone just needs to roll me into a blanket burrito and feed me drugs
Dilemma. I'm out of wine and I can't put on clothes to go to the liquor store bc I just got spray tanned. If this isnt white girl problems I don't know what is.
On a brief change if topic, last night I dreamt I got shit faced with bill Nye the science guy and we went bar to bar and explained the science of alcohol to everyone who'd give us free drinks. We wore bow ties
Randomize
