I hate u. Im listening to lady gaga and all i can hear is boca base om om om ommmm
a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
She told me that she faked her orgasm. Does she think I care??
..and then spiked the maple syrup at iHop
just ran into my gynecologist at the liquor store... i think she's found the source of my problems
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
No really tho I'm wearing a chucky cheese shirt and yoga pants. If that doesn't scream no sex idk what does
i ordered 6 shots "to go" what did you think was going to happen!
In other news, I'm pretty sure my mom was encouraging me to have a threesome yesterday... I don't even want to start digging in that garden of horror and trauma.
She has that type of face she reminds me of that weird girl from napoleon dynamite only taller and with hoop earrings.
I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to
I am so not sober enough to have a 5 minute conversation in Spanish
I'll be honest, this year's Vegas trip will be nothing short of disappointing if there's no repeat of the angry ménage a trios in a closet.
First you stole a hockey stick out of the nieghbors yard and claimed you were moses leading his children home. Then you led us around the same block twice before I called the cab
Woke up with a girls naked next to me I had her thong on somehow.
Randomize
