I wanna do crazy things to you in a tent
fuckk wrong person
.. who was that for? a girlscout?
i watch way too much csi for them to even pretend to be my friend.
Decided to write a book called "girls don't poop and other myths I wish I still believed in"
is it a bad thing if he can only get off when i start talking like one of the girls from Jersey Shore??
I seriously just washed my dick in a public restroom. That's how dirty last night got
chlamydia ends and my period begins. this isnt real life
I got kicked out because I puked again I'm on the fire truck outside
Do you think he stole that soccer trophy that he gave you for the "best sweater award" from his five year old son?
Ok cuz s'mores night just turned into pina colada after noon and it will be mas fun
I find it ironic...the gays are dying to get married & I just want a fucking divorce
I told ya. I'm super awesome at making things super awkward. I'm the Awkwardnator.
it'll be like the notebook except for with way more of my penis
The stripper started talking about murdering people....that lapdance turned dark.....
fucking him is like fucking old faithful. you could set your watch by his orgasms.
i found you passed out on the floor with a half-eaten pie. i figured youd be the last person to care if i went and banged your sister
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