There is an asian family here, I heard the mom call her son onyong
I told my girl, that I use to jerk off to Star Trek. All she says is, "Oh my gawd, you're such a trekie!". If I was her, I'd be weirded out more than me being a Trek Fan.
Only my sister would update her facebook status while going into labor.
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
You can't have your cake and publicly stick your dick in it too
If a cougar buys you pizza and wants to show you her newly-won house, you have sex with her. It's the law. Just being all the man I can be dude
Anyone see the sob who took the piñata?
I told her I was dressed as a gag reflex judge.....she won, literally hands down.
I had wine for breakfast at 6am, that's how visiting my parents went.
Yeah, reverse cow girl. She was on top and I was playing Flappy Bird behind her back. Easiest way to have angry sex.
We were having sex and my nose just started pouring blood. He reached down to the floor, grabbed a sock and held it to my nose. He just kept pounding away like nothing was happening.
I just bottomed with the last unicorn playing in the background. I've hit a new level of gay.
Didn't have the heart to tell him that while he was eating my ass I was laughing, not moaning, into the pillow
How does one un superglue their foot to the floor
I woke up at 2 AM to find them in my living room with a radio flyer wagon full of milk glass plates and a Holstein cow. How am I going to explain this to my landlord!?!
Randomize
