I'm at a Mexican Walmart. Wish you were here.
The only thing he got me during our relationship was a cum stain in my backseat. I choose winners.
I am pretty sure I told him the clouds were earth's purest filtration system and that snow was the rarest and most delicious water in the world. My lips are burning because we ate so much.
Wish you were here....
And I wish your mouth was around my cock, but that never happens, does it?
Ok see being that I'm not present or participating your vague texts "neeeeed that" and "vagina" leave a lot to question.
It smells like someone died in our apartment and ya'll used some random orifice of his body to smoke weed out of. Side note, how did we get a guitar?
Just checked my voicemails on the work phone on speaker. Thank you so much for the one of you screaming "COME FUCK ME NOWWWW!" my boss loved it ..
Goldenshlager is a hell of a drink. And these are the adventures ur missing out on w me. I gave someone a bath Emily. A BATH.
Awkward
Can't say I wouldn't let it happen again.
My mom just asked me if I can obtain a fake ID by thursday
Sorry brah. Drastic times called for drastic measures and I had to go home and bang a cougar.
You drunkenly said something along the lines of "move forever" to the lady standing in your way. Needless to say you had too many mimosas at breakfast.
bitch i am allowed to be rude i just fought cold hard porcelain with my face
Aw. You're having cute FaceTime with your fiance, I'm trying to convince myself not to booty call a 42 year old. #adulting
I’m traumatised. Bring vodka and condoms.
I feel like I purchased a one way ticket to hell last night and its non refundable.
Randomize
