I was so high I couldn't tell if they were goosebumps or herpes.
i used baking grease as lip gloss
Dude you can't just initiate a threesome via twitter
Apparently I joined a band last night. Definitely my favorite blackout.
Packing up everything in the dorm. Silly bands to unused condom ratio is ridiculous.
Just saw my bank statement. It literally goes liquor store pizza place liquor store pizza place bar bar bar liquor store pizza place 711 for snacks withdrawl for drugs rinse and repeat
Went to 3 separate liquor stores today and I just made a huge tray of jello shots. This will be the Thanksgiving that puts all the others to shame.
he said verbatim, he wants to "bang you hard".
My tweets this weekend consisted of me telling every bar I went to that they were my favorite valentine. I've never felt like more of an alcoholic
On the train at 650am after a night of clubbing and running away from a new zealander who was buying us beers but also licking windows
Someone wrote "gnarballz" on my fridge in black marker. I'm pissed, but more concerned I slept with the one who did it
I knew you were super hungover. But so hungover you fire our house cleaner because her vacuums too loud is excessive
LETS THROW SHIT OFF THE PORCH
You are talking to me during sexting hours. Be careful, innuendos are taken seriously
I came twice AND he sent me home with edibles. I think he’s a keeper.
Randomize
