I'm home alone watching The Hills seasons, eating pickles and drinking straight rye. I just googled "how to make friends". Probably not the most pro-active solution. Help.
mom asked me why i'm never sober at family events, i told her i learned it from her.
I vomitted in the hotel where they film gossip girl last night. Everywhere.
What am I legally allowed to do to a girl that is the equivalent of me punching her in the face?
she gave me her number. found out it was already stored in my phone as "bathroom blowjob"
Are the homeless actually allowed to bathe in fountains located on Main Street in downtown Houston? Can Houston TX be so progressive as to condone public bathing?
I don't even fuck like that, he just happened to be in the right place at the right drunk.
I take to many stalker pics of him. If he ever looks through my phone he'll never give me sex again :(
I fell into a manhole last night, so there's that
you're hired as official boob wrangler
Tip: never mention Guy Fieri during sex
It's finals week and I'm halfway done with this bag of wine and don't plan on stopping. Say goodbye to my GPA
I just started an apology with "so I'm sorry about throwing the Brita at your head last night..."
I’m getting reeeeaaalll tired of telling cute boys I gave them chlamydia.
That’s two in three months. You really know how to live.
Dude on the shuttle bus eating a Butterfinger and watch porn on his phone and doesn’t give a fuck who knows
We need to get on his level
Randomize
