Now hope fervently that she'll do it quick and cheap, just the way i like it
She rolled over this morning and asked "did you refer to my vagina as splash mountain last night? "
Made it home ok. Only got hit by one car.
obviously he wasnt ready for this jelly and you can quote me on that
Wait does semen show up on blood tests?
I just ran into mom and dad day drinking at the bar while I skipped class and was day drinking at the same bar.
I can't believe she made out with my 15 year old brother. That kid can seriously pull.
I haven't had a normal poop since halloween, we are not mixing vodka and tequila ever again
RESPECT THE VODQUILA
There's something very strange about masturbating in a hotel room. I feel like I'm cheating on my room...
The drug dealer had chickens in his house so I know it was good stuff.
The trash can in my living room is full of Popsicle sticks and my vibrator has taken up permanent residence on my coffee table. I'm not doing anything productive. Clearly.
Mashed potatoes are always the fuckin answer ok.
Hey so I got my period
Thank god I wasn't ready to deal with sober you for 9 months
Haha! I swear, it's like I'm talking to Buddha with a slutty agenda. You are so full of wisdom.
Not to be gross and awkward, but I just had sex outside in the rain on the hood of a lexus
Randomize
