What are these yellow papers in the kitchen?
These are the tickets we got last night.
Did i sign this one as Grizzly Bear?
Yes...yes you did.
I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
You need Jesus like Tony Danza needs another hit show.
you wrote "5 million dollars" in the tip line for the pizza delivery man and insisted that he deserves it
Is it just me, or does Colt McCoy look like Herbie the Dentist from "Rudolph the Red-nosed Reindeer"?
I actually had no interest in him until he started talking about his 4 arrests. That made him go from a 5 1/2 to a 8, easily.
Why would he get rid of a girl with no gag reflex? I don't get it.
THEY SHOULD WARN YOU WHEN THEY MAKE JELLO SHOTS WITH JACK DANIELS!!! THEY SHOULD WARN YOU!!!!!!!
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
You know you have crossed to the dark side of marriage when a nap is more important than jacking off
I kinda feel like I was hit by a Prius. Just glad it's not bus status.
Everyone heard you scream that I was to be naked, in your bed in 5 minutes. We were one hell of a shitshow spectacle
I am 95% sure I just heard my cat say "What are you doing home? It's Saturday night."
how do do this?
do what? Keep standing? Choose between 2 guys?
keep making boys cry?
Who the hell tries to steal eggnog.
Randomize
